i'm trying to read everything i can about an issue i've dealt with my entire life, but only recently have realized the full impact of. i was born with, for all intents and purposes, a blind eye. my right eye, although bigger, wider, and (i think) prettier than my left, does not see anything but blurred colors and slight shapes. close one eye. look at something. that's what my entire life is (basically) like. though, i do have some peripheral vision in my right eye, so i can sense when something is there, even if i cannot discern what it might be.
since i've had it since birth, when i was younger i never noticed that i saw things differently than other people did. sure, i was shite at sports, but one look at my chubby physique could have told you that. i was deathly afraid of heights - even heights as low as the kitchen counter to the floor. it wasn't until much (much) later that i realized it was because i had no concept of how close i was to the floor, and felt like i was lost in space.
taking driver's education as a 16-year-old was probably the best idea. there is no way that with the self-awareness i now have i would ever be able to make it through a driving course. at 16, you're given the gift of invincibility (or, the illusion of it, rather) which allows you to get behind the wheel of a 2,000 lb vehicle without worrying about hitting everything in sight, because you can only see about half of everything in sight. my mirrors, when i drive, are my best friends. a few years ago, i gave up my car for city living, and i have to say, though i miss it sometimes (like when i haul two full bags of groceries up a steep hill) i am much less stressed out. i, again, didn't realize the effect driving was having on my psyche (i lived in LA for years and thought nothing of driving all day every day) until now - when i get in the car, i understand that i have to be twice as careful, but also i have to block out bad ideas and just trust that i have a vague notion of where i am existing for those moments on the road.
art was my outlet. perspective, as a concept, came incredibly easy to me, as that's how i see the world. i thrived in drawing class, but received the critique that my work was "flat." well, at the time i couldn't articulate that my life is "flat." it's hard to evoke volume when you have no sense of what volume is. through my artistic training, i was able to study objects and slowly build volume and shape in my work, which allowed my work to become more complex. now, i eschew all of that nonsense and take the flatness two steps further by not only working from photo swipes, but translating that onto canvas using embroidery. it's like i have upped the ante on flat. triple flat. perhaps that's my own rebellion? read more about artists and stereo blindness from the NY times, here.
after having cyborg Neil Harbisson talk at work, i wondered if i'd been complacent all these years. why wasn't i more concerned about seeing the world the way everyone else is able to? why didn't i want a eyeborg that could teach me how to see 3D? am i missing something huge? i never thought that there could be more for me - i just accepted this was the lot i had pulled in life. i don't know. maybe it's worth it? maybe it's not? i'm certain my health care doesn't cover it, so with what money am i going to get this magic eye? should it be about money, or is seeing the best thing ever? maybe i have the fourth cone? i'd rather see infrared and a bajillion colors like that creepy mantis shrimp (pictured above and below.) i want sixteen cones! i want to see all the colors! that to me would be far more interesting than being able to watch a 3D movie. or, you know, know how far away that car over there is.
what would YOU improve, if you could heighten your senses?
I SEE ALL THE COLORS! I WILL DESTROY YOU!
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