23-year-old me tells you where she works

hollywood + highland mall is a crazy place. it's where they host the oscars every year, so you've seen it on TV. i do not recommend going there, ever, for any reason, ever.

23-year-old me outlines why.

have i ever told you about where i work? its about half a block east of manns chinese theatre where red eye was premiered on august 3rd. did i go and stand among the masses to catch a glimpse of my latest obsession, cillian murphy? that would be a no, i was working, people. and besides im far too hollywood hip to go and stand outside with all the fucking tourists (sorry i know we have all been tourists before but these people are fucking ridiculous!) tee hee hee. but to give you an idea there are people in character outside the theatre snapping pictures with people from all over the world. there is a black michael myers, a johnny depp from charlie and the chocolate factory as well as one from pirates of the carribean. there is a whore/cop and a weird dude in a demon suit that wears a thong. Not to mention the "snake charmer" that shows up on random days and the rapper that apparently used to work NYC then moved out to a warmer, more accepting climate. the tourists LOVE these people and i warn each and every single one of them to back away slowly from the VD marilyn monroe and the "elvis" who stakes his mark right under the construction scaffolding. when i walk down the boulevard (not of broken dreams, hollywood boulevard ya green day freakizoid) these people know better than to a. touch me, b. talk to me, c. approach me in any way. they're sort of like dogs, you have to show no fear and not make eye contact. one made the mistake of grabbing my arm once and i told him, in not so many words, to kindly go and make love to himself in a secluded place underground. im telling you you have to be brutal. they don't respond to ignoring. expletives usually are the only way.

there is a kiosk right outside my store where nailcare products are sold. the people who sell these products insist on soliciting some of the workers i work with. yes, even after encountering these sketchy guys everyday they dont give up hope that one day one of us will buy their fucking product. they also know better than to approach me, and im beginning to think they might be a bit afraid of me which i appreciate because if i were to meet me in a dark alley i wouldn't particularly feel threatened, this is for sure.

for an interesting documentary on the people that hang out in front of mann's, check out confessions of a superhero. it's streaming on netflix.