reading

in real life:

on the kindle:

on the internet:

everything written by Cat Marnell:

on xojane.com

her VICE column, Amphetamine Logic.

consuming

in no particular order:

new tattoo

lip injections

the next day, david bowie

can can juice cleanse

clairsonic mia

plane tickets to NYC

dr. brandt pore refiner

django unchained soundtrack

pill head leggings / dress

a cat

22-year-old me tells you that she went to three bright eyes shows in three days

it's a true story. here:

So on the 12th and 13th of February I went and saw Bright Eyes in concert downtown at the Orpheum Theatre. Now, you may be wondering why there aren't about 50 bazillion up close shots of Bright Eyes on my blog. THEY DIDN'T ALLOW CAMERAS. How disappointed was I. So you will just have to trust me when I say I had kick ass seats for BOTH shows.

The set list was basically a rundown of I'm Wide Awake It's Morning. He kicked both shows off with At the Bottom of Everything, followed by one of my all-time [okay, these albums] favorites, We Are Nowhere and It's Now [please, just download this one song- it's so beautiful] and then Old Soul Song (For the New World Order) (which is about a big old war protest that was in NYC.) Now i don't really remember all the set list from both nights, (and who really can?!) but here goes:

- The aforementioned 3 songs

- A Scale, A Mirror, and Those Indifferent Clocks, off Fevers and Mirrors (he played organ on this one- totally intense.)

- When The President Talks to God (this one got a standing ovation because it's the best anti-Bush song ever written. both nights it totally roused the audience. the second night it caused a tipsy Betsy to yell out "Fuck Bush!" You think I am kidding. I am not. And yes, I was sitting front row center.)

- Train Under Water

- Another Travelin' Song (phenomenal live!)

- Poison Oak (I have a newfound appreciation for this song. I mean, I liked it before, but now I can't seem to get enough of it. It really highlighted Stef Drootin, the bassist, who is also in the band Consafos whose new album is coming out. She's totally awesome- and a deadringer for Maggie Gyllenhaal.)

- Land Locked Blues (which I still insist on calling One Foot in Front of the Other, but I digress. Just Conor and his guitar. Heartbreakingly beautiful, just beautiful live. I'm getting teary just thinking about it.)

- Padriac My Prince (which was good live, and one of his most haunting [it outlines a baby drowning in a bathtub as a metaphor for a bad breakup] but its like he was only playing it cos he had to play something off his first album for the long term fans.)

- Lua (I cant even describe. You just really had to be there.)

and finally, the grand finale, the piece de resistance (pardon my french)

- Road To Joy. Which is the single reason why everyone should worship at the alter of Oberst. I'm not kidding. This song live is...intense. That's the only way to describe it. The first night, because he was drunk as all hell, he decided to climb up on the drum kit, which so totally rocked until some tool came out and acted like he was gonna catch him if he fell (it wasn't that high, mind you.) The second night he wasn't quite as drunk, but he still started "playing" his guitar on the amp, causing crazy feedback and noise and all around rockin' craziness. Totally totally intense.

But heres the thing, the amazing thing on the saturday show was, he really was totally trashed the whole time, but you could only tell when he talked. The music was still tight and perfect, he didn't even slur. That's how good of a performer he is. There was some lighthearted banter about an umbrella and tuberculosis, as well as some people giving him shit about Road To Joy being on KROQ (and rightfully so, as he has so railed against Clear Channel) his answer was that they must just have good ears at KROQ, and claimed they didn't give them any money. Who really knows, though?

The sunday show there was some bitterness over the Grammys. He was taking the piss about a song being simulcast to the Grammys, and introduced it as if it were, and kept repeating that he was really sorry Ray Charles had died. And then claimed that the fact that him and Billie Joe were sporting the same eye makeup was not a coincidence. Oh, and he's no longer vegan, because "I like fish. It tastes good." I know, you're thrilled. Is this getting boring yet?? Okay, and on Sunday, because I was tipsy and sitting front row center, I yelled a request, which he presently ignored. I really wanted him to play June on the West Coast which is one of my all time favorites, but to no avail. So there you go.

I mean, it was just so inspiring, really. It made me want to go and play music.

And THEN!

The next afternoon, I played the best hooky I have ever played in my life. I went and saw the taping of the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson because Bright Eyes was on. They played Road to Joy, and rocked so hard that Conor had to smash his guitar at the end, and the trumpet player (yes I said trumpet player) smashed his trumpet into the ground. Crazy shit man, we were like 10 feet away from the band too cos it's a teeny tiny studio. Oh, yeah, i was in the front row for this too. It was neat, cos you could kinda see it building from the past couple days during Road to Joy- we thought he was gonna smash it Saturday, really. During his interview, Craig asked him if he was strapped for cash, and he replied "uh, yeaah, that was an extremely expensive guitar" and sorta laughed nervously. But that's not the best part. I now am in posession of a piece of that smashed guitar- which quite possibly might be one of the best Valentines I have ever received. Not the best, because the past two years Art (my dad) has sent me these totally cute Valentines, this latest one included a drawing of Cappy, so those are really the best ones I've ever gotten, really. Valentines day was tolerable this year.

that was long. 23-year-old me is exhausting.

seminal albums / 2000's

this was college / post college. where my taste changed the most, i discovered indie rock, and became a total music snob. i still listen to most of this music regularly.

when i heard "no lies, just love" it was a revelation. i devoured the bright eyes catalog, old and new, and have devoured every album since. possibly my all-time favorite band ever. it's true that conor oberst is my favorite songwriter, hands down, bar-none. i know what this makes me, and i don't care.

album of the year, by the good life. heartbreaking. amazing.

funeral, arcade fire. after college, i moved to LA. this came out the first fall i was there, in 2004. it summed up everything i was feeling. it made me long for a different place/time, but not one i had experience. this was transcendent.

wild like children, tilly and the wall. i believe it was 2005 when i discovered the tillies. they brightened up my rather gloomy/emo/morose musical library.

this is very hard to do, so i am stopping.

miss midwest midnight checkout queen

detroit

detroit

chicago

union pier

frustrating

eating a salad. nothing stays on the fork / too much chewing.

warm (read: moist) humid rainy days. at least have the decency to be cold and rainy.

nylon / synthetic fabrics. skin. can't. breathe.

police barricades.

pair bonding

thoughts on my dating life, brought to you by my dad

on when i am able to date, circa 1994: "not until you're 30."

on my future partner, circa 2000: "he'll not have a desk job. he'll be creative."

on the certainty that i will be married, circa 2002: "oh, you'll be married before the decade is out. trust me. before the decade is out"

on how he doesn't understand men my age, circa 2007: "they're all boys. none of them grow up. i can't figure it out. losers."

on how to trap a man, circa 2013: "spray some perfume on business cards, and hand them out. all men want is a scent of a woman. it's a great idea."

in response to my worries about my future (job/money): "oh, you'll be fine. you'll get a spouse and be set for life. set for life. meet a designer. you can build your own design company together."

side effects may include

most notable in patient x, tinnitus

drowsiness, dizziness;

sleep problems (insomnia);

mild nausea, gas, heartburn, upset stomach, constipation;

weight changes;

decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm; or

dry mouth, yawning, ringing in your ears.

an increased risk of suicide is one of the most serious side effects reported with the long-term use of ________, but this is common with nearly all antidepressants on the market today.

fruits

seminal albums / 1990's

the 1990's brought a lot of change to my musical repertoire. mostly because i remember more of that decade, and i officially went through the pains of being a teenager in the '90's. this spans ages 8 - 18.

i received my first CD player the summer (or maybe the winter - it could have been for xmas) of 1991. this was my very first CD. i was 9 years old.

this was the soundtrack of my puberty. i was 12. i was obsessed with gavin rossdale. it was my gateway drug into music.

my sister had this album. i did not understand it, but i knew kurt cobain was a big deal, and that the music was a big deal. i was 9 when it was released, but probably didn't listen to it until i was 13 or 14.

i was 15, and listened to radiohead and was obsessed. i still love radiohead. other notable british bands i listened / still listen to: pulp, blur, the stone roses.

went through a ridiculously long pink floyd phase. owned (and probably still have) all of the albums. this phase lasted until i graduated from high school in 2000 and i realized that no, i was not a stoner.

reading

in various states of completion; on my kindle.

serif

sans serif

22/23-year-old me tells you where she lives

i lived in echo park before it was gentrified, from 2005 - 2007. here, i explain what it was like.

first, in february 2005, when we found the apartment:

Marilyn and I found an APARTMENT! 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom townhouse in Echo Park WITH A TWO CAR GARAGE- can we say PIMP??? And, plus, there is TONS of room in the living area. and get this, its only $1500 a month (i know you midwesterners are balking at this, but thats an awesome price) so if we get a third roomie, it will only be $500 a month! We close tomorrow on the lease (i think!) NO MORE TWO HOUR COMMUTE!! i cant wait to finally be living in the city! I will let you know when my address changes! I think we can move in as early as next week/weekend!! AHHH!

second, in march, when i moved in:

i just moved in yesterday to my new digs- spent the first night on my air mattress bed-in-bag set (that really was more of a betsy-makes-her-own-bed-in-bag set but whatever) that was only about $50 from Target. i slept in the living room- I don't really know why. I guess just because I could. gotta love it. the new place is nice, but huge so I need company to come and fill it up.

third, in august, after living there for six months:

have i ever explained to anyone my living situation? i live in echo park which i like to believe is closer to silverlake than it really is. theres graffiti and the occasional gang skirmish plus mexican music at 7 am every saturday and sunday. when the music isnt mexican its of the hippie variety performed by a range of guys who also have really loud, mechanical sex. you would swear they had porn on but really its just his girlfriend going through the motions, if i can analyze her moans. very rehearsed, and lasting quite sometime which is impressive based on the amount of pot he must smoke. i swear im going to be a little old lady who spies on her neighbors.

the other neighbors have kids who scream at all hours of the night and lay on the garage floor at 11 pm sometimes. im always afraid of hitting one in the driveway and once a ball rolled under my car and of course got stuck, forcing my already precariously attached front bumper (there was a debacle involving a tube on my drive out to california last year plus a shitty body shop at the toyota dealership in thousand oaks) to move a few more inches. needless to say im not quite thrilled about them either. but the rent is cheap and im on the quiet side of the house.

i forgot to add, in this post, that the heater didn't work, so we used to use to oven to heat up the living room. the walls would leak, so large pockets of water would develop whenever it rained. oh, and there was a hole in the ceiling, down to where the light fixture was hung, so every time it rained, the globe around the bulb would fill with water. it was also wall-to-wall carpeting. the garage door was incredibly bowed in the middle, and we never closed it for fear it would fall on our cars. the deck outside was crumbling, and the first(and only) time we had a party, a man was stabbed on sunset, then crawled his way up to our driveway. 5 cop cars, 2 ambulances, 2 firetrucks and a helicopter showed up.

graphix

a friend of mine was worried about the costs associated with printing the place cards, ceremony cards, and table numbers for her upcoming weddung, so i offered up my graphic design services. using a retro, motown theme (she's getting married in detroit) we decided on track numbers instead of table numbers, and had lots of fun remembering great motown songs to include on the table cards. the printing went smoothly, and last friday night a group of us got together, drank wine and trimmed all of the cards ourselves. i think it added a fun, personal touch to the wedding - i hope it looks good in the reception hall!

ceremony cards

table cards

place cards - i found these adorable little icons to use for "steak," "veggie," and "chicken."

if you'd like any graphic services, please do not hesitate to contact me at ministryofcraft(at)gmail(dot)com.

obsessing

cervical stenosis with myelopathy

myelopathy is a generally progressive condition that develops slowly. cervical spinal stenosis symptoms with myelopathy may not progress for years, and then difficulties with coordination may suddenly increase. unfortunately, the symptoms rarely improve without cervical stenosis surgery to decompress the affected area.

are you what is wrong with me?

jonesing

for a trip across the pond.

arrive at heathrow

take the coach to south kensington

stay in a lovely hotel across from hyde's park, perhaps the gore?

visit the V&A to see THIS:

David Bowie Is

tilda swinton (whom i will sing the praises of at a later time) waxes poetic about the glory of david bowie, at the opening dinner, here.

stop, just stop. stop it david bowie with your heterochromia. you know, i made a taxidermy inspired by you. you can find it, here, david, if you're so inclined. it looks like this:

david, being david:

hottie

jarvis gave you accolades, too. don't worry jarvis, your post is coming soon. i heart you, too.

listing

francesca woodman

jay defeo

urs fischer

ray caesar

ugo rondinone

ian baxter&

james turrell

felix gonzalez-torres

louise bourgeois

camille rose garcia

scott hove

obsessing

unceremoniously stolen from since 1969 tumblr.

watching

can. not. wait.

collection of quotes

"we're all a little broken. we're all a little twisted. we're all less than we could be or want to be." - conor oberst

"you live alone, creating your life as you go" - edie sedgwick

"blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders." - nietzsche

"oh, my, how the world still dearly loves a cage" - maude, harold and maude

"the trees, like lungs, filling with air. my sister - the mean one - pulling my hair" - jeffrey eugenides, the virgin suicides

"of course it is happening in your head, harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" - albus dumbledore, harry potter and the deathly hallows

"i apply my personality in a paste." - clementine, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

seminal albums / 1980's

i was born in 1982. these are the albums i remember most from 1982 - 1989.

i actually saw this show live when i was in kindergarten. it was not on DVD.

on long car trips in the ford tempo, and really, any time you were in the car with dad, bruce would be on.

another distinct memory was billy ocean. lots of billy ocean.

god, i effing loved this movie. i was 7 when it was released. i was convinced i was a singer.

watching

22-year-old me goes to coachella

i'm starting a new series, with no regular date, copying and pasting from a blog i wrote when i was 22/23. i kept the blog from september 2004 - february 2006, sporadically. you are not allowed to read said blog, because it's far too embarrassing.

i went to coachella. here is a dramatic retelling of what happened

One word: Coachella.

Here's the story.

Two platinum blonde babes head to the high desert around 10 am on April 30th, 2005. In the trunk? Two cases of water, a loaf of raisin bread, 2 boxes of granola bars, a huge carton of goldfish crackers, three fleece blankets, one comforter, two pillows and a tent. Oh, and a random assortment of clothing and a couple of pairs of shoes. Are they prepared for camping at a weekend-long music festival? You be the judge.

They stop along the way past Palm Springs off the 10 Freeway. The local In-n-Out is crawling with indie kids- boys with black hair and tight jeans, girls with buddy holly glasses. Ah yes, this is who will be appearing live a few miles away in Indio, CA, at Coachella Valley Music Festival. The blondes are giddy with excitement. They are almost there.

After driving around three parking lots, asking around 100 parking attendents where the hell the parking for on-site camping is, they decide to go ahead and park. They get to the campsite, begin to set up. One pulls out the tent. There are no poles. She asks the other if their mutual friend gave her two bags, one for the tent, the other for the poles. Nope, there was only one bag. There are no poles. Anywhere. They ask fellow campers, they ask the 'Camp Counselors,' they ask the skeevy guys at the "General Store." There appears to be no tent poles anywhere. So they sit on the tent, instead of inside. Numerous perverse boys claim that they would gladly 'erect' the tent with their own 'poles' which wasn't funny the first time, and certainly wasn't funny the fifth. So the two blondes decide, what the hell, let's just go hear some music.

Saturday was more of a scoping day, dabbling in awesome bands such as M83 and The Kills. They wander aimlessly along the desert acerage which is actually lush grass, and thankfully only 85 degrees. They head to the main stage for Weezer, which rocked hardcore, since Weezer busted out with some of their classic songs, such as "The Sweater Song" and the "Buddy Holly" song. The real treat came after Weezer, in the Mojave tent: Bloc Party.

The more cynical of the two blondes, the one whose blog you are currently reading, had been avoiding Bloc Party because of the hype. What band ever lives up to the hype, really? Well, Bloc Party does. For those that are reading this (Mo, Chris, listen up, you will LOVE Bloc Party) Bloc Party is dance, post-punk disco? If that's even a genre. They are awesome, and the two blondes dance the set away and decide they want to kidnap the adorable, black haired, skeletal lead guitarist.

They retire after the Bloc Party set, deciding to forgoe the main headliner, Coldplay. It isn't until now that one realizes they missed Spoon, but she digresses. One nice thing about leaving the party before anyone else, they did not have to suffer the shame of climbing into a tent with no poles in front of anyone. But there are numerous comments by passers-by which include "Oh, my God, are there people in there? Oh my god, there are!!" and "Oh, I can get your tent up" and various laughs. Luckily it did not get too cold that night, and the two didn't suffocate.

In the morning, they wake up entirely too early. A shocked camp counselor nearby claims he didn't realize anyone was actually in the tent. They decide to strike camp early, to avoid any further questions. They drive into Indio, and find an awesome eatery called "Beer and Burgers" that, yes, is open for breakfast that sunday morning. It is in a castle. Yes, Beer and Burgers looks like a castle from the outside. Thus the basis of its appeal. After a mediocre breakfast (but about 15 cups of coffee) they head to Angel Thrift: For Crippled Children, an AMAZING thrift store off Jackson street in Indio that is open on Sunday mornings. One shockingly finds not one but two totally rad pairs of cowboy boots, an awesome necklace, and the Rocky soundtrack on vinyl. How cool is that? They spend the rest of the morning and early afternoon hitting discount superstores that aren't found in LA such as Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and Payless.

They head back to Coachella around 3, and go inside. Today there is no dabbling, today they have a plan. The hit the outdoor theatre to catch Fiery Furnaces who play their entire, awesome, set nonstop. The drummer is the most animated drummer they have ever seen, and has totally rad style. They want to kidnap him for the supergroup that is now forming in their heads: them as the two leads, the guitarist from Bloc Party, and the drummer from Fiery Furnaces. They now only need to be Yoko's for two bands... well within the realm of possibility. they head to the main stage for a bit of The Futureheads and Gang of Four. Neither of which impressed them that much. After that dabbling, they head back to the outdoor theatre for a set that makes everything worth it: The Arcade Fire.

If you should ever get the chance to see The Arcade Fire preform live, even if you don't particularly like them, go. You will never see a better concert. Ever. They do not put on a show, they put on a spectacle. Richard Reed Perry is crazy, climbing up scaffolding, donning a racing helmet, all while banging on drums, playing the accordian and helping Win Butler belt it out. The strings are onstage, and singing while they play. Regine sings beautifully and plays various instruments. There are about 10 members onstage at all time, all trading instruments, all giving it their all, all putting on one HELL of a show. An experience to be remembered.

Glowing in awe from the excitement of The Arcade Fire (and after sneaking a peak of Mr. Oberst off side stage watching The Arcade Fire) they head to get some food. They have about an hour and a half to kill before their big finale. They watch New Order for awhile, in awe of how awesome they are as well. They vow to buy a plethora of CD's once they get back to civilisation.

They head back over to the Outdoor theatre, weaving their way to the third row-ish. There are die-hards in front of them who wont budge. British Sea Power come on, put on a good enough set, try to replicate Richards daring scaffolding climb to no avail, and leave. Then the crowd starts to get crazy...

The Faint is coming on, and tensions are running high in the front rows. People start to push, people start to move... The natives are restless... Then the Faint comes on and it's all over. The blondes get stuck in the raging dance pit, giving in to the dark, dance electronic and rock tinged beats of The Faint. Though the blonde who now writes this never really appreciated The Faint all that much, she finds herself wrapped up in the experience, being pushed and shoved and forced to dance. She cant feel her feet touching the ground, and is thanking god she wore her cowboy boots. There will be bruises tomorrow, but this is just too damn good to pass up. Though she fears someone, maybe even her, might pass out...

After the set, she expects people will calm down. Au contraire. the crowd surges forward, as Bright Eyes is closing this Coachella. She gets caught in the fray, her friend moves back and she follows. It takes her a good ten minutes to get out of the human pile in front, resigning herself to the fact that it's just not worth it to be that close. And anyway, she was front row center for the last Bright Eyes show. She knows what Conor looks like up close. Bright Eyes plays a good set of songs off Digital Ash in a Digital Urn. He even plays a long time favorite of hers, "Neely O'Hara," which is beautiful live. He finishes with her favorite track off the Digital Ash CD but for the life of her she cannot remember what the title is. She thinks its "Arc of Time." anyway, the lyrics are: "The arc of time, the stench of sex the innocence you cant protect, each quarter note, each marble step walk up and down that lonely treble clef...an arguement for conciousness the instinct of the blind insect who never thinks not to accept its fate, thats faith, theres happiness in death..." well that's just an excerpt, but you get the point. Its a good day. And a pretty good ending to a great weekend.

They drive back to La La Land, hitting home at 3 in the morning. The next day is depressing, after hearing amazing music all weekend, the shock of being back home is very great... The blonde vows to make the rest of the summer as good as this kickoff. She has a lineup of some notable shows:

Tilly and the Wall and Of Montreal, June 3rd two blocks from her house! Bright Eyes/The Faint, June 14th, five minutes from her house! The Go! Team, July 21st, at the Troubadour! Only 500 people in the venue!

And certainly more!

And they all lived happily, musically, ecumenically, ever after.

The End

dear 23-year-old me:

you will stop going to concerts when you move to the bay area. this is very sad. but it is expensive in SF, and no one ever plays more than one night. you'll bemoan 100USD tickets. your friend will throw out a good rule of thumb - never spend more on tickets than your age.

some of the bands you were convinced were going to make it big, didn't.

you listen to basically all the same music. thank you for making it good.

you won't set foot in amoeba san francisco. there is something sad about it, and you can't figure out what it is. you'll make a point to visit amoeba hollywood whenever you're in LA.

the bright eyes show you saw at the theatre in LA, where you were in the front row, does NOT, in fact, end up your favorite show ever. that doesn't come until 2011, when you drive down with your friends to see him at the hollywood forever cemetery. remind me to tell you about it sometime.

you'll eventually get over yourself, and the crushing abyss of your early 20's.

you'll eventually get a "real" job, complete with health insurance, a 401K (but you don't contribute, of course) and paid time off.

the thought of ever, ever going back to coachella is pretty much your worst nightmare.

i love you, 23-year-old me. you were awesome, even though you had no idea.

love, betsy